Who am I? Beneath all the layers, beneath all the masks – who am I?
I picture my childhood self, hoping to reconnect with my true nature.
As she awakens in my heart, my inner child reminds me who she is.
I am the one who plays for the sake of playing. My imagination soars, creativity bursting. There’s no fear. No thought of any time wasted and no need to be productive. I play however I want.
The whole world melts away.
I am the one who eagerly bounces out of bed every morning, heart full of excitement for the brand new day. Energy buzzing through my veins, I’m pure spirit in a small body. I’m pure love for life, expressed through my hobbies – art, ballet, piano, running, reading…
And of course, play.
I am the one who loves running through the grass, lungs bursting with fresh air, free as a bird. I love my body. I love the joy of moving my body, savoring this physical experience on earth.
I am the hopeless romantic. I see poetry in my existence, art in nature, and magic in my wild imagination. From observing my parents, I believe in soulmate love. I cannot yet understand the concept of separation.
I am the one who channels spirit through painting and writing. I stare at a beautiful sunset and vow to capture those tranquil colors in a painting. This passing moment is so breathtaking, I must capture it forever.
I am the old soul in a child’s body. Something about the unexplained universe keeps calling me. I’m fascinated by the power of our thoughts in creating our dreams and wonder about the galaxies.
Life is magical to me. I want to feel, experience, and know all of it.
But with every pain, embarrassment, and innocence lost, I started building layers of protection over my heart.
I built brick walls and safety nets. And with every heartbreak and failure, I built fortresses and moats. It was all my ego – trying to protect, defend, prove, and hide.
And then, I built a carefully constructed version of myself that I could safely present to the world as “me.”
My inner child retreated for 17 years, fast asleep. She’d pop her head up to play once in a while before sleeping once again. I thought her time was over. That lively soul was a nostalgic memory.
What happened over time? What changed?
Back then, I was fully aligned – mind, body, and soul. I was connected to my spirit and to my own boundless supply of love in my heart. Fearless. Without many blockages, the energy could cycle smoothly throughout my being.
The love bubbling in my heart got buried under all the layers, until at times I could not feel it at all. But it was always there.
This past year, I started reconnecting with my inner child. I’m living from my heart again, seeing the wonder in everyday life. And learning to love myself more gently. Unconditionally.
I started painting, writing, pursuing passion projects, and dancing. Just for the fun of it.
Getting out of my head and into my heart is not as easy as it was before, but I’m trying. Though I haven’t reached a consistent state of flow, I’ve experienced many beautiful hours – even entire days – of carefree bliss.
I met a beautiful mentor who is so openhearted like a child, his skin glows with youthful radiance despite his older age. Within minutes in his presence, I could feel his unrestrained heart.
He follows his passions, creates for the pure joy of it, and shares unconditional love with friends and strangers.
Getting to know him has made me believe that alignment with who you truly are is possible, no matter what your age.
Through reawakening my inner child in my present day experiences, I’m slowly remembering who I am.
You can do it, too. And so, calling your inner child to mind… Who are you?
~~~If you want to follow my writing, I share it more frequently on my Instagram @ashmi.path and Facebook.
Love,
Ashmi
