For most of my life, I was extremely sensitive and easily triggered by those closest to me. Often, I’d lash out in anger at my parents when I felt criticized, controlled, or told what to do. In relationships, I’d brood for hours when my insecurities were tagged.
One of the biggest breakthroughs in my life was to see these triggers as clues to the wounds, unresolved emotions, and negative beliefs that I carried.
Instead of pointing the finger at the person who said or did something to upset me, I started looking within. Whoever – or whatever – triggered me is just bringing the wound up to the surface for me to see and potentially heal.
What if I could take full responsibility for how I feel? If something is bothering me, it’s an opportunity to look inside and see what needs to be healed within.
This is a daily practice that works for all kinds of triggers in our lives, big and small.
Impatient in traffic? ~ What does that show me about myself? What beliefs am I carrying about my time? Where else am I stressed in life?
Deeply hurt by a partner who just triggered a fear of abandonment? ~ How can I soothe my inner child so this fear can get smaller?
Here are some questions you can ask when triggered (ie. upset, hurt, angry, feeling out of control, etc):
- What is the root of this emotion? Is it a fear, insecurity, or trauma?
- When was the first or most prominent time I remember feeling like this (ie. in childhood, or a memorable event)? What unresolved emotions do I carry from the past? How might I be projecting the fears/pains of the past into my current situation?
- Does this trigger come up often? Is it a pattern? What does it want me to see?
- Is this situation linked to a deeper, bigger issue?
- What would I have to believe about myself to feel upset about this? What insecurities or fears do I have about what they said? Is it true?
- Has a boundary been crossed? How can I better communicate my needs?
You can begin to heal your triggers if you allow yourself to fully feel and observe your grungy emotions. Sit with the emotions that come up. Suppressing them will only make them bigger.
But if you sit with it, the core of the wound will reveal itself. You can heal and transmute it through observation. Feeling your emotions fully could mean crying, journaling, yelling into a pillow, or diving into the fear.
Look at it with curiosity. What could this mean? Where does it come from? Where have you seen it before?
This pain is a signal, telling you something you want to know about yourself so you can allow it to dissolve.
When you can look at your core wounds, you take power away from the trigger.
You can heal your triggers. You’ve done this many times before. Many of the things that bothered you in the past do not bother you now. Or, they come up less often. And many of the things that hurt you now do not need to come up repeatedly in the future.
Your external reality is a reflection of your inner state. It‘s a mirror, showing you your deepest beliefs – and this includes your wounds.
If you’re carrying a wound, you’ll continue attracting people, problems, and experiences that trigger it. But when you start healing that wound and replacing your old beliefs with new ones, you’ll notice that the situation no longer shows up in your experience.
When you set healthier boundaries, you’ll no longer accept people walking all over you.
When you practice embracing the present moment and accepting whatever arises, you’ll find yourself rushing less in life. Even in the worst traffic.
When you observe your insecurities and replace them with new beliefs about yourself, jealousy and fear in your relationships will occur less and less. Instead of reacting, you’ll choose to respond and honestly share your feelings.
The people in your life are mirrors, showing you what you need to see in yourself.
Your friends and loved ones are mirrors. With love, they show you all the beauty that you are. And sometimes they trigger you, knowingly or unknowingly. You have an opportunity to change the pattern.
Instead of reacting or seething in silence, you can:
- Feel, process, and observe the core wound
- Open up a discussion and share how what they said or did made you feel
- If you need to, you can speak up for yourself and communicate a boundary that has been crossed
We can lovingly help each other heal our wounds. The stories of the past do not need to be active in our present. Life can become more harmonious, carefree.
“Now imagine that one day you awake on this planet, and you no longer have wounds in your emotional body. You are no longer afraid to be who you are. Whatever someone says about you, whatever they do, you don’t take it personally, and it doesn’t hurt anymore. You no longer need to protect yourself. You are not afraid to love, to share, to open your heart.”
—Don Miguel Ruiz
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Written with love 💞
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Love,
Ashmi
