Throughout my life, I’ve thrown my heart into supporting the dreams of my loved ones, bosses, and clients.
For many years, I was so busy and burnt out carrying my boss and team on my shoulders – there was nothing left in me to stand for my own dreams.
I can see people’s highest potential, even when they cannot see it for themselves. I’ve done this my whole life: for my dad, who immigrated our family from Japan to America and started his own company; my sister, who struggles with autism; and the bosses I’ve worked with at tech companies.
I’ve had incredible mentors, and my current community of support is amazing. But for the majority of my life, it felt like no one was there to stand for my dreams, but me.
And in my career, I lost myself in order to support others. I lived and breathed for another person’s dream.
My parents are my biggest cheerleaders, supporting me from near and far. But they were (and are) focused on my sister, who still needs daily support at the age of 26. This is understandable, and it was a blessing for me because it made me independent and resilient from childhood.
But underneath my strong exterior as a teen, I was extremely sensitive.
I had the worst mood swings throughout puberty, and I had no idea how to regulate my emotions. The peak of this lasted about four painful years.
I was shy, unable to speak up for myself, full of angst, loathing the acne on my face… Running too much, eating too little… I pushed myself to achieve in order to feel good. I was hungry to live fully and find meaning in my life – and at the same time – frustrated and at a complete loss for my purpose.
But in the darkest moments, I never stopped believing in the fire in my heart… the voice that told me it’ll be okay… the hunger to create the life of my dreams.
When no one else was there, I learned to believe in myself and stand for my highest vision.
If not me, then who?
And this is the key. No matter how incredible your support network may be, at the end of the day, you only have yourself. You are the one who must believe in yourself.
Your own belief in yourself is what keeps the torch lit, so that you can love yourself through the darkest times and keep coming back to your heart.
Your loved ones may support you in the dreams you share, but it’s up to you to raise the bar on what you believe you deserve, and what you believe you can create in this life.
If you feel unworthy and undeserving, no one but you can change that.
And though they mean well, some friends and family may be scared by your dreams. They may project their own beliefs and fears, keeping you in a box that your heart doesn’t fit anymore. They may feel it’s too “risky.” They just want the best for you – but only you can decide what’s best.
In order to stay true to the call of your heart, you must be willing to shed your skin. And that can be terrifying. It requires great belief in yourself.
But you can do it. You can be your greatest cheerleader and friend.
How?
You can start by developing more trust in yourself. Keep one small promise to yourself each day. Listen to your intuition, and do what it says.
Write down your fears so you can become more aware of them. And ask yourself: Is it true? Is there a new belief I can replace with this fear?
One day at a time, be kind to yourself as you would to a friend. There’s no need to judge yourself so harshly. Reach out to that inner child and love the part of you that just wants a hug.
And slowly, it will get easier to speak and live your truth, no matter how it may look to others.
It’s so freeing to be yourself. And now, I feel energized and fueled by supporting my friends and partner in their dreams.
I’m blown away by the people in my life who are bravely taking the steps to stand up for their dreams, despite all the doubts and challenges that come with this.
I’ve also been learning to allow others to see me and support me in my truth. I don’t need to be strong all the time and have it all figured out. I’m especially grateful to my partner who has been an unwavering mirror of love, reflecting back the truth of my own heart when I am lost.
With my cup full, I can give to others. My biggest client over the last 3 years is a startup founder in the mental health space, and I’ve been a rock for him through all the cycles of doubt and triumph across 3 fundraising rounds. This work no longer drains me like it did before.
When you can stand for other people’s dreams as well as your own — that is the most life-giving and healthy balance that elevates everyone.
It’s so hard to fill anothers’ cup when yours is empty. So be gentle with yourself, and listen to your own dreams. They are valid, and they are asking to be seen.
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Written with love 💖
For daily writing and insights, find me on Instagram @ashmi.path.
If you enjoyed this post, I have also written a book called Awakening the Heart of Humanity, with words and art from the heart. You can check it out here.
Love,
Ashmi
